May 2007 Archives

The Intelli-Head's been put aside for routine upgrades and maintenance for the last few years. Honestly, I've just been too busy to sort out the hundreds of OS upgrades, security patches, and vacuum tube replacements that help keep the old guy up and running. So I dedicated the entire three-day weekend to bringing the 'Head back up to speed in order to answer a very pressing email. - Chris

Dear Intelli-head:

Sometimes, after I down some brews, I get all misty-eyed and nervous and then have a hard time keeping it together enough to really kick it "hard core." Being all about the "hard core" and whatnot, this has made me really sad and hasn't helped when I try to get it "going on" with, you know, "the laddies."

I guess what I'm wondering is: Am I missing something, or doing something wrong here? I was totally raised to believe that there was some really awesome power in a can of MGD, power that I'm maybe not keeping inside of me for those rockin' times spent with the beautiful laddies from the field hockey team and stuff. Do I need to drink it, you know, "different," or maybe "faster?"

Coach says that maybe I'm not bringing a Winning Attitude to my time spent with beer, that I won't get to sweetly caress the totally hot curves of the smoking laddies of my school until I bring my "A" game and give 110-percent to whatever it is I do, whenever it is I do it. Is he right? If he isn't, then what's wrong with me? I try hard to be the BMOC, but I sometimes feel that I'm really only a SBMOC. The S stands for "sorta."


Joey Tuffmanovich
Provo, Utah

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Between the slaying of Jarvis the Unhinged and the supping upon pie with great plum-hued Mifflin, there was a proud and mighty moment where The Gracklecleaver did speak into the Elf Queen's Tiny Box and had discourse with one representing the celebrated Round Table itself.

What he heard did please him so. For, despite being a barbarian with few "smarttes of the booke," as Mifflin would say, he had been in enough pie fellowships to know that "Chicago-style" meant that the wee knife on his bracer would finally be put to good use.

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At Pleasure Faire, I did happen upon the two great adventure-seekers enjoying the evening's repast. A light and pleasant moment purchased, no doubt, with fire and steel ... and ancient magicks ... earlier upon that very day.

As all kind and rational folk take great pleasure at the sight of a good wizard at rest (and only slightly less-great pleasure at the sight of a barbarian doing the same), I thought it most fitting and proper to share this captured moment with all who should fare this way.

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Dave Tamkus, a long-time reader heralding from the Pork Pony days, bestows upon us his first-ever Unloosen submission. Like Katy's photo, Dave's transmission originates from the Pennsylvania Coal Region. Welcome to the other side of Unloosen, Dave. -Chris

The following sign has been up on Tioga St. [in Shamokin, PA] for about a week now. Personally, I won't be attending. I don't know how to plan my evening around "6-TiL." Something about the hand drawn letters tells me if you eat the caked potato being served "FRiDAY," you are going to have a long Saturday. Another interesting fact, the arrow isn't really pointing to a building. I would assume that you just have to show up and look for a line. Which actually reminds me of a joke. Q: What has 60 legs and 7 teeth? A: The potato cake line at Transfig block party.

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This one was submitted by an Unloosen reader, Katy Kirkpatrick from the great state of Pennsylvania. Welcome to the Unloosen fold, Katy. -Chris

This is a representation of a true, central-Pennsylvanian, Coal Region gem. After months of driving past it and laughing to myself each time, I decided one day the time had come to pull off the side of the road and make record of this spectacle.

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Spring into summer in this season's hottest attire, only at Target.

Above: Alex models the freshest warm-weather fashions.

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Realising I couldn't compete with Chris's graffiti picture in quality, I scoured the city to find that which would enable me to try and match it with sheer quantity...

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This is the final official installment of my Western Avenue photo series. I may post a collection of odds and ends, but this is the last of the good ones.

Taco must be proud of his fine patio. Although the patio isn't really shaped like the twelfth letter of the alphabet, but its tortilla-wrapped goodies do its namesake justice.

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No Richard Gere jokes, please.

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This page is an archive of entries from May 2007 listed from newest to oldest.

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