I don’t believe you. You break our date even before we have a chance to meet? You seemed pretty eager to get together a week ago when you made the date (yes, that’s right – you made it). I don’t get it, what’s your problem? We exchanged e-mails, we talked on the phone, we had a few IM conversations – I thought we were all ready to go. Now you pull this “I don’t feel like we’re connecting” crap on me? Of course we’re not connecting yet! That’s what we were going to try to do on Saturday!
Hey! Don’t pretend you’re not online. Yahoo! Messenger doesn’t lie. That yellow smiley face next to your screen name means you’re available to receive my messages. And even if you weren’t, I would still send you an offline message or two asking why this sudden change of heart. That would only be right since your kiss-off was sent to me overnight while I was asleep. (Is this really what our society has been reduced to – breaking dates in offline messages?)
So what’s the problem here? I’m not going to try to talk you into doing something you don’t want to do. If you don’t want to go out with me, that’s fine. I just want some answers. I think I’m entitled. After all, I planned my entire weekend around driving up to see you. Now I have this you-shaped hole smack dab in the middle of my Saturday and I couldn’t even begin to know how to fill it – and that's only partly attributable to the fact that I’ve only seen one photo of you. Sure, it was just of your head and shoulders, but I wasn’t about to ask you to send me a full-body shot. That would just be creepy.
All right. I’ve sent you a couple IMs and you’re not responding. I guess you don't want to talk. You can't say I didn't try. I'm sorry this didn't work out. I really was looking forward to meeting you. Now I guess I’ll never know if we could have hit it off. Unless…
Unless, of course, the reason you’re not responding to my IMs is because you’re not getting them in the first place. Can it be? Have you already blocked me? Are you really that much of a jerk? If you are, then I’m glad you broke our date. Do you hear me? (And yes, I realize that may be entirely rhetorical.) Glad, I say!
I’m glad I found out how much of a jerk you are before we had a chance to get involved. I’m glad I didn’t find out little things about you that I liked or found endearing. I’m glad I didn’t have to waste even a second of my time getting to know you. Most of all, I’m glad I still have the receipt for that leather mask and dog collar you asked me to buy. And I’m glad I haven’t taken them out of the plastic yet. This is one return where I don’t want to have to get into a discussion with the sales clerk.