"Things change, people change, hairstyles change... Interest rates fluctuate." - HILARY FLAMMOND
"I remember the day we did shoot the Swedish Bookstore scene. I think it was going very, very slow, and I think we had gotten one rehearsal by the time we broke for lunch. And I walked up to Peter Cushing, and I said, 'Not like the old days, huh, Peter? At Hammer they would've had the scene shot and be striking the set by now.' He looked at me and smiled and said, 'At Hammer, they would have finished the picture and be starting the sequel.'" - DAVID ZUCKER
"How silly can you get?" - NICK RIVERS
I made some movies, you know, G.I. Blues, Blue Hawaii and several pictures that did very well for me. Thank you. But as the years went by, I really missed the people, the audience contact. I really was getting bugged. I was doing so many movies, and I couldn't really do what I could do. You know, they would say, "Action," and I would say, "Wha? Wha? Huh? Memphis!" And they'd say, "That ain't what you're supposed to say!" And I'd say, "Huh?"There's very little I could add to that except to say: Mitzi Gaynor. Ad nauseum. Amen.
"You're dead for a real long time. You just can't prevent it. So if money can't buy happiness, I guess I'll have to rent it." -- "WEIRD AL" YANKOVIC
"Do you think God knew what He was doing when He created woman?" - DARYL VAN HORNE (not pictured)
Once again, we'd like to remind you that going around or under railroad gates or crossings is not only unsafe and against the law, it is also a bad example to set for the children. We would appreciate it if you would not set that bad example for the children or anyone else. Thank you.Now imagine all that being said with a thick Chicago accent and you have an idea of what was rattling around in my brain during that scene. Please, readers, do not follow the bad example set by Anthony Michael Hall.
CHER: How about if we use our occult powers, invoke a mystical spell and create a Galahad or Prince Charming?The witches' impressive sexual track record is important to the story because it's one of the key reasons why they're such pariahs in the town. In the book, the local ladies have a good reason for hating the witches. If you're a woman living in Eastwick, there's roughly an 80% chance your husband has slept with Sukie, Alex, or Jane. (Possibly all three.) Not to mention the fact that the witches themselves are fairly negligent parents and every bit as judgmental, gossipy, and prejudiced as anyone else in town. In short, they are not heroines. In fairness to the film, I can understand why the witches were made much more innocent and sympathetic when they made the transition from page to screen. Movie audiences all but demand a "rooting interest" in every story. Still, I couldn't help but be disappointed by how tame the scenes inside the Lenox mansion actually were. In the book, it's not a swimming pool the four main characters share but rather an eight-foot tub. I don't think I need to diagram this for you, but things get a lot cozier in the book. Once you've read what happens during the characters' frequent post-tennis-match "baths," you will probably not be sated by the comparatively wimpy pool scenes in this film.
SARANDON: No one will believe it!
CHER: That we can really do it?
SARANDON: No, that three babes with our bodies and looks are hard up for dates on a Saturday night!
I drove behind the truck for a couple of miles, which gave me plenty of time to contemplate what that might mean. By the time it turned off the road (along with its twin, which I noticed didn't have a "FREE WOOD CHIPS" sign on it), I had come to the only conclusion possible: Wood Chips was either the name of a political prisoner like Mumia or a righteous cause like Tibet. The first thing I did when I arrived at work was to flip a coin to determine which one it was. The quarter came up heads, so that meant Wood Chips was a political prisoner. I decided to find out everything I could about him and do whatever I could to help free him.
Shockingly, there was precious little information about Mr. Chips to be found on the Internet. I figured if he was important enough to have a professional-looking sign made up about him, then there would be at least one web site devoted to his cause. After several hours of searching, though, I couldn't even find out where he was incarcerated or on what trumped-up charges he was being held. Was he an accused cop-killer? Was he some sort of radical left over from the Sixties? I had no way of knowing. I did, however, learn more about mulching than I previously imagined -- not that I ever spent much time thinking about mulching before today.
Eventually I had to give up on my impromptu research project -- my work was piling up and my supervisor was none too pleased to find me poring over websites dedicated to tree mulchers -- but I vowed that one day I would uncover the identity of the mysterious Wood Chips and very soon thereafter he would be free. Yes, indeed, he would be free.
]]>"And you may know how little God thinks of money by observing on what bad and contemptible characters he often bestows it." -- THOMAS GUTHRIE (1865)
German magazine Spoonfork has kindly featured my art in their latest issue's special guest section. Here it is!
In other news, the T-shirt that is the product of my Artsprojekt Labz T-shirt contest victory has been produced and is ready to buy, if you're interested. Click here for more info.
]]>"Cult films don't make money." - BILL LANGE, producer of Massacre at Central High
"Laugh-a while you can, monkey-boy." - DR. EMILIO LIZARDO, eccentric Italian physicist possessed by Lord John Whorphin, an evil Red Lectroid from Planet 10
Well, after a while, I seen what it was that they was odd-manning for. It was that both bunches full of them men wanted this funny lookin' little punkin to play with. They did! And I know, friends, that they couldn't eat it because they kicked it the whole evenin' and it never busted. But, anyhow, what I was a-tellin' was, that both bunches full wanted that thing. And one bunch got it and it made the other bunch just as mad as they could be! And friends, I seen that evenin' the awfulest fight that I ever have seen in my life! I did! They would run at one another and kick one another and throw one another down and stomp on one another and griiiiiind their feet in one another and I don't know what-all, and just as fast as one of 'em would get hurt, they'd tote him off and run another one on!
"Well, it's the device, the gimmick, if you will, or the papers all the spies are after... It doesn't matter what it is, and the logicians are wrong in trying to figure out the truth of a MacGuffin, since it's beside the point. The only thing that really matters is that in the picture, the plans, documents, or secrets must seem to be of vital importance to the characters."
And I don't know, friends, to this day, what it was that they was a doin' down there, but I have studied about it. And I think that it's some kindly of a contest where they see which bunch full of them men can take that punkin and run from one end of that cow pasture to the other 'un without either gettin' knocked down or steppin' in somethin'.
Dutifully irrigating the desert landscape.
(Inspired by a recent backpacking trip to the lands of the Havasupai people).
Vector art (Adobe Illustrator CS5), 2010.
Prints available!
(Detail images after the jump)
]]> ]]>"It was hoped that Shock Treatment would repeat the success of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. And I think in hindsight that what you realize is that you can't create a cult. Cults happen organically. An audience finds a movie, embraces it, and makes it into a cult." - JOHN GOLDSTONE, producer
Hey, I tell you what is. Big city. Hmm? Live. Work. Huh? But, not city open. Only peoples. Peoples is peoples. No is buildings. Is tomatoes, uh? Is peoples. Is dancing. Is music. Is potatoes. So, peoples is peoples, okay?
Look at all those people down there. Lots of people. But my friends... my friends are all gone. Well, I'm gonna get 'em back. I'm gonna get 'em back! Because the show's not dead as long as I believe in it. And I'm gonna sell that show, and we're all gonna be on Broadway. YOU HEAR ME. NEW YORK? WE'RE GONNA BE ON BROADWAY! BECAUSE... BECAUSE I'M NOT GIVIN' UP! I'M STILL HERE, AND I'M STAYIN'! YOU HEAR THAT, NEW YORK? I'M STAYIN' HERE! THE FROG IS STAYIN'!!
It's hard to say what place E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial holds in pop culture today. The film currently rates a 7.9 at the Internet Movie Database and does not appear on that site's Top 250 list, though it does occasionally merit dutiful inclusion on those meaningless G.O.A.T. (greatest of all time) lists released by Entertainment Weekly or the American Film Institute. It did reign for several years as the all-time box office champion, but such records do not and cannot last. (And then there are always those people who want to bring up inflation and rising ticket costs.) Perhaps because it was not the beginning of a multi-film/multi-media franchise and does not afford nostalgic adults the opportunity for elaborate dress-up games (as does Star Wars), E.T. now occupies an ever-shrinking space in the public's imagination. If anything, the movie might seem to be just another corny relic of the fad-happy 1980s, the cinematic equivalent of moonwalking or the Rubik's Cube -- fun at the time but something we've outgrown as a society.
]]> My first intention, in fact, when I found Letters to E.T. was to use the book as the basis for a satirical piece for Unloosen. I was going to take on the role of an embittered, washed-up E.T. and finally answer those quarter-century-old fan letters in the most depressing, cynical, and alcohol-fueled way possible. Essentially, I was going to write E.T. as if he were William Holden. That idea struck me as funny, but the article never got written. As Craig will attest, I work very slowly and procrastinate whenever possible if there is no self-or-otherwise-imposed deadline weighing on me. The book stayed on the desk next to my bed for months, and during that time I must've spent several accumulated hours poring over its pages as I drowsed off. Not that the letters were particularly eloquent or moving, mind you -- that one above from Jonah is one of the stronger examples -- but the book held some intangible fascination for me nevertheless. Maybe it was because the letters were addressed directly to the film's title character, which seemed to suggest that the film held some kind of special power over its young viewers. Intrigued by the book, I decided to return to the movie itself and was quite surprised at what I found. Once I had revisited E.T. The Extra Terrestrial, I no longer wanted to write the satire but I did want to write about the film in some way. This project seemed as good an excuse as any.Roger Ebert defined a sequel as "a filmed deal," and it's amazing how accurately the truly odd Back to the Future Part II reflects that definition. The supplemental materials on the movie's DVD are surprisingly candid in laying out why the movie exists and why it took the form that it did. When the first Back to the Future was released in 1985, it was anything but a sure thing. The film's star, Michael J. Fox, was not a household name yet, and the film's co-creators (Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale) had failed to attain mainstream success with their two previous films, I Want to Hold Your Hand and Used Cars. Worse yet, the Zemeckis/Gale-scripted 1941, directed by Steven Spielberg, had been a financial disaster for Universal Pictures. So another Zemeckis/Gale comedy with Spielberg as producer was a risky proposition. In fact, the film could easily have turned out to be another embarrassing boondoggle for Universal.
But, of course, the first film was a massive worldwide hit, the top-grossing American film of 1985. A sequel was inevitable, and Universal informed Zemeckis and Gale that one would happen whether they were involved or not. So they were now "locked in," so to speak, as were most of the members of the first film's cast. Strangely, though, it was the holdout of one of the supporting players, Crispin Glover, that provided the catalyst for the sequel's plot in which his character (loveable nerd George McFly) is mysteriously killed off, creating another "time travel" problem for the heroes, Doc and Marty, to solve.
Next up: A comic tale of international espionage with a theme song by a former Beatle.
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