Just who is this Millard Fillmore character and what exactly does he have to do with October, the most awesome month and Unloosen Awareness Month?
Millard Fillmore held the political office called President of the United States of America. He was the only President to be known as "The Thirteenth President of the United States of America." He did a really good job.
Brought to Earth aboard a space-proof hovercraft in 54 B.C., Fillmore was born on the steamy planet called Venus. Although his parents attempted to steer him toward a career in investment banking, little Millard fancied himself an inventor. In the year 437 A.D., his rebellious nature took him to the state of Michigan where he invented something he called the "car." After numerous patent applications and the subsequent inventions of the license plate, auto insurance, and the pine tree air freshener, Fillmore's incredible "car" finally debuted in 492 A.D., but no one knew how to invent gasoline so it sat on blocks outside a mobile home in northern Alabama for nearly fourteen centuries before being used.*
In 1850, Millard Fillmore decided that he wanted to become the "Thirteenth President of the United States of America," so he invented a complicated disease called gastroenteritis and gave it to Zachary Taylor, the twelfth President of the United States of America. Zachary Taylor thought getting a gift was nice, but then Zachary Taylor died. Luckily for Millard Fillmore, Taylor had granted Mr. Fillmore "Vice President" or "Second in Command" status so Millard Fillmore turned into a President. Suspicion overwhelmed the citizens of our great nation and they guessed correctly that their thirteenth President, master inventor Millard Fillmore caused Taylor's death.*
As a response to the nation's well-founded anger, Fillmore created his final invention, a political party called the "Know Nothing Party." When he ran for President in 1853, each of Fillmore's campaign speeches began and ended with his party slogan, "I don't know nothing." This did not play well on television and Fillmore was handily defeated by the silky-voiced, well-coifed Democrat Frankiln Pierce.*
For the disillusioned former inventor and president, the next 39 years slipped away like so many banana peels underneath the feet of slapstick comics. In 1891 gasoline was finally invented and the true debut of Millard Fillmore's now famous "car" made him a gazillionaire. He moved to the top of the highest mountain in Vermont and built a tower he named the Palazzo. He continues to live there today, along with his dog, Jim.*
What does any of this have to do with Unloosen? Both Unloosen and Millard Fillmore are Capricorns.
Celebrate the seventh through tenth of Unloosen Awareness Month by dressing like Unloosen's soul brother, inventor of the car and thirteenth President, Millard Fillmore. Katie Couric did.
*None of these facts have been proven, but one can speculate that they are definitely true.