In regards to the sudden onslaught of Dio-related postings, I bring to you a script that I co-wrote about 2 years ago. It took me 6 days to write the first draft, and the draft that we were content with was finished in about another week. I did write about 95% of the script, so if you can find the 5% that is not Weaver, pat yourself on the back and treat yourself to a hoagie. Who knows what formatting blunders wills occur...
I'll post it in parts, just for the sake of the reader's time. I know that it is full of errors that I no longer do whilst writing, but enjoy it nonetheless. There are many moments in here that I'm sure that you'll appreciate. Dig in!
SUPER: NEW JERSEY, 1988
INT. FRANCO'S ICE CREAM - AFTERNOON
Franco's ice cream is a quaint, old fashioned place that
looks like it belongs in the 1950's. Old milk bottles adorn
A hand holding a metal ice cream scooper, digs it into a tub
of ice cream. The ice cream is then mashed on top of a wafer
A stainless steel milkshake cup vibrates while being rapidly
stirred by a mixer.
Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, maple walnut, pistachio. Tub
after tub contains flavor after flavor of tasty ice cream.
Whipped cream is sprayed on top of a banana split. Money and
ice cream treats are exchanged between customers and the
The place is quiet. No customers.
The calendar shows July 1988. But you would never guess it
was that year judging by the attire worn by JESSE, 27, who
wears the trademark costume of a 50's soda jerk.
He stares at a clock on the wall with a look of giddy
anticipation. The red, second hand on the clock gets ever so
close to the large number 12. Closer and closer until it HITS
Two tubs of ice cream that were embedded in the counter are
now on the floor and contain the bare feet of BRAD, 27, who's
dressed in the same costume as Jesse, the pants pulled up to
Brad, shuffles and stomps, his bare feet through the FULL ice
Brad weaves his way through in one direction and then turns
and repeats his actions in the opposite direction, laughing
hysterically the entire trek.
Brad finishes his course.
Brad sits down on the counter, starts to swab his feet with a
dirty, filthy towel. He looks over Jesse.
I think that's my best time ever.
Might be? Hands down it was.
Hurry up and get down before
somebody comes in here.
Brad climbs down from the counter top.
Like we care what these people say?
I just don't feel like answering
the boss's questions later when he
gets a complaint that your ass was
on the counter again.
He say anything about the roof?
The bag of shit or the bag of
Not that I know of.
Jesse goes over to one side of the counter. The phone sits on
the counter top. Jesse picks up the phone book. He scans the
pages of the phone book. Brad is in the background putting
two down the tub tops.
Jesse picks up the phone and DIALS. Brad motions for Jesse's
attention with a head nod.
Jesse cups the bottom of the phone away from his face.
Um, yes, I received a telegram from
your residence a few days ago, and
I think that we may have a problem
with your request. I'm sorry?
You wrote to me the following:
eyeball, eyeball, bird, snake
helmet, eyeball, a wavy line, and a
Yes, I'm taking this as an insult,
Sandy. Believe me when I tell you
that you don't want me as an
Really, tough guy? Well, King Tut
was a homo, beyotch! Go rub some
sand on your balls.
Jesse slams the phone down and LAUGHS outloud.
Brad laughs, and points to something on the page of the phone
Here, you got to call here.
Uganda? You know it.
Jesse dials the number. A long one to dial. The SOUND of a
CLICK is heard through the receiver. A person mumbles a SOUND
on the other end.
Hello? Is Kamala there?
What? This is Kim Chee. Lemme talk
to that giant African bastard.
A TRUCKER, mid-40's, with a most unkempt appearance, enters
Brad greets the customer at the counter and leaves Jesse to
play on the phone.
What can I do for you?
The trucker holds a styrofoam cup up in front of Brad.
I want to return this.
What's wrong with it?
This butter crunch is bland or
freezer burnt or some shit. It's
lacking something. Needs more
Needs more butter?
The Trucker slams the cup down on the counter with uncalled
Let me say it for you, in English.
Brad stares at the ANGRY man.
I can't give you any money for it.
Because you ate half of it.
Ever hear the customer is always
That's a fallacy.
Brad looks over towards Jesse, who is still on the phone.
You're biggest export in Taiwan is
little plastic pieces of shit that
break when taken out of the box?
That the manager?
Yeah, but he's busy ordering
Then just give me my money back and
we'll call it even.
As I've already said, I can't give
you your money, but I can give you
some ice cream in exchange. That
The Trucker SIGHS, clearly irritated.
Fine then. I'll take some butter
Sorry, all I can give you is either
rocky road or strawberry.
Brad holds his index finger over the strawberry and rocky
road, both of which are molded with a FRESH footprint.
I'll take the rocky road.
Brad smiles at the customer. He begins to scoop the tub of
ice cream into a Styrofoam cup.
Brad hands the Trucker his new cup of ice cream. The Trucker
snatches it from Brad's hands, turns, and leaves.
Jesse hangs up the phone. Brad grabs a box of butter from the
center freezer and RIPS it apart.
What are you doing?
Brad takes a few sticks of BUTTER and allows them to slide
out into his free hand.
They say it needs more butter? They
Brad grabs a spoon and then starts smashing the sticks of
BUTTER. He opens the tub of butter crunch and drops them in.
Jesse leans over Brad's shoulder, inspecting the addition.
Mix it up good. Consistency is
The SOUND of a bell clanging has marked the arrival of one:
RONNIE JAMES, late 20's, lucky to be 5 feet tall, and almost
a dead-ringer for the singer, Ronnie James Dio, enters the
ice cream parlor. The shirt he wears bears his idol.
Ronnie James trots over to the counter, and gives the sign of
the DEVIL HORNS to his compadres.
What's going on, guys?
Look out! It's Ronnie James!
What are you doing?
Making butter crunch.
Yeah. The public has demanded more
butter and I am giving them what
You guys hear about that new group,
'Guns 'N Roses?'
They're a bunch of poseurs. They'll
be gone in a few months.
I don't know about that one. They
A PIZZA DELIVERY GUY, early 30's, enters the parlor. He
immediately heads straight for the cooler that contains soda
and iced tea.
Brad dumps the tub of buttercrunch into the center freezer.
He pulls out a large bottle of soda, approaches the counter,
and sets it down.
Brad glances at the bottle.
Pizza Guy digs into his pants pocket. Ronnie James turns to
the Pizza Guy.
Hey, man, got any extra pizzas?
What's it to you?
How about a trade? Ice cream for
Pizza Guy hands Brad some money, looking him straight in the
face. Brad nods his head, saying 'let's do it' with his eyes.
Pizza Guy exits the parlor.
In a mad scramble, Brad hoists two tubs of ice cream from the
center freezer and rests them on the counter top.
Pizza Guy re-enters the parlor with a pizza box in his arms.
He sets it on the counter, next to the tubs of ice cream.
Brad slides the pizza box off to the side of the counter, and
the pizza guy grabs his tubs of ice cream.
What do you want in exchange for
What do you got?
These are two of my best flavors.
Pizza Guy peers into them.
What are they? They look old.
That ain't old. They rotate their
stock here, not like at the A & P.
What is it?
Buttercrunch and maple walnut.
I'll take the buttercrunch and, um,
no, wait. Give me--
Since I'm almost to the end of
these, why don't you take 'em both?
Even Steven. Tit for tat. They're
Pizza Guy looks at Brad. Look at the ice cream.
The whole thing?
You got it, chief.
Nice doing business with you.
Pizza guy exits the parlor.
Brad starts to laugh. Jesse and Ronnie James look at him with
looks of confusion.
That sumbitch just walked out of
here with 100% real butter crunch.
And if he ever needs a screw, all
he needs to do it dig deep into his
maple nuts and bolts!
They all laugh and head for the box of pizza.
INT. FRANCO'S ICE CREAM - MOMENTS LATER
The guys lounge about the parlor. Most of the pizza is gone.
They eat the remaining slices of pizza and drink from their
bottles of soda.
...it's not as easy as you think,
I never said it was.
Beating 'Punch-Out' without getting
hit once is like, like, it's bad
Did you give up on 'Pro Wrestling?'
'Kin Korn Karn' is the best.
Fuck that dude. He's lame. Piston
Honda would crush him.
Jesse waves his hand at Ronnie James in disgust.
It's all about 'The Amazon.'
Brad tears a scrap of pizza away from another. Ronnie James
leans in and quickly nabs the other scrap Brad left behind.
Brad saunters to the back of the store, the scrap of pizza
hangs from his mouth.
When's your sister coming in?
Who's she marrying, again?
Some sped named Marco.
Yup. My parents met him once when
they visited Claudia after she got
engaged. They say he's nice, I
There goes my chances, huh?
In your wildest wet dreams.
Brad returns from the back.
His parents say I'm nice, too.
I get to meet the guy tomorrow. And
then we'll go from there. The
wedding's Saturday, so hopefully I
won't have to see him after that.
This Saturday? Where's my invite?
Don't ask me. I'll ask her highness
Well, I'd love to stay but the
food's out, so I guess that's my
que to leave.
Yeah, see ya.
Ronnie James walks towards the door and STOPS in his tracks.
Before him is the man they call BALD BULL, 30, 6'4" black man
with a shiny scalp and loads of muscles. His EYES instantly
spot Ronnie James as he blocks his exit.
I've got a bone to pick with you,
Every time I look at you, you make
my ass pucker, you evil demon!
Bald Bull remains stolid.
RONNIE JAMES (cont'd)
What do you want?
You've been running your trap that
no one can beat Tyson in the first
round of Punch-Out.
We know it can't be done.
Jesse, Jesse, Jesse...you can do
Says me! I did it three days ago,
and have been looking for you ever
Imagine that one, man.
Ronnie James tries to sidestep Bald Bull to the door. Bald
Bull allows Ronnie James to pass.
If you're so tough, then why not
put your money where your mouth is,
Maybe you're afraid?
Not at all.
Then it's a yes?
I knew that you were too stupid to
Too stupid? You're the jackass
who's mouth makes checks his ass
We'll see about that. I'll be in
Bald Bull lets Ronnie James pass and leave the establishment.
Hey, little man!
Bald Bull exits as well.
The SOUND of their continued arguing echoes from the parking
Brad and Jesse shake their heads in mild disbelief. An
IMMIGRANT, 40's, enters the parlor.
Can I help you, sir?
The Immigrant stares at a piece of construction paper taped
to the back of the cash register. It is for a 4th of July
benefit. The Immigrant runs his finger up and down the text
of the paper, and then looks at Brad.
I want a meelkshakes.
Brad leans over the counter and slightly squints his eyes at
Hey, buddy? Want a free cone?
The Immigrant puts the tip of his finger in between his lips
and stares at Brad with a look of complete confusion.
Brad lets out a sigh of frustration. Jesse walks into the
back of the parlor.
What flavor do you want?
Chocolate chips ice cream.