Come Not A Bruin by alex kinnan

By Alex Kinnan

I was passing by the liquor department in a grocery store near the famous University of Southern California when I saw this sign.

A little science for you alls...

For those of you not in the know, the name of the sporting forces of the USC is the "Trojans," named after the "Trojans." They have had this name since before the widespread adoption of broadcast analogue television and, rumour has it, plan to keep it in the coming age of broadcast DIGITAL TV.

While they have been having "Trojans" as their sports-people name, there has been another school in Los Angeles, called the UCLA, where they have opted to call their sports-practitioners not "Trojans" but "Bruins."

Perhaps it was over this point that these two fine institutions of college stuff went to war and became bitter enemies; or perhaps became bitter enemies and went to war. Irregardless, a state of tension, occasionally flaring into real-deal street violence has simmered twixt them for a time that the kids and the wags both refer to as "long ass."

Because of this, new laws apparently have been enacted while I have been busy playing stupid computer games. These laws probably make it very hard for people from the UCLA to buy their liquor in the store where I took this picture. In the past, that wouldn't have been such a big deal, but today's unpredictable regional real estate prices and the recent discoveries about the health benefits of moderate red wine consumption make this one of today's big "hot button" issues.

It should also be noted that, in the local parlance, the term for gamboling about while on the sauce is to be "a-brewin'" (due to the idea some here might have that, even inside of you, the booze, she continues to brew). This sign thus has a second layer of meaning and is actually frightfully clever for being able to efficiently block purchases by both registered students and faculty of the UCLA as well as ANY adult who dares to enter the joint on less than a fully even keel.


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Man, that science was dropped from WAY up.

I felt the boom.

So, I guess I'm confused. Is there a regular number 21 and then another derivative of 21 "that is not a Bruin?" The comma seems to imply that this is the case, in which case, I missed that lesson in math class.



Hah-hah-hah! Sooner Pride!!!


Hence, Chris, we could say that our friend Alex is an able practitioner of the High Sciences.

And we all know that being over the age of 21 that is not a bruin is a choice, not some sort of neurologic difference that you're born with.



Uh-huh, uh-huh (yeah).

I like to drop high science from atop da Sears Tower,

I like to rock da unschooled like I was Robin Trower.

Too funny! Maybe it was written by one of their football players after getting sacked or something. USC's got a damn good team IIRC. Just not good with the store signs, I guess!

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This page contains a single entry by Alex Kinnan published on May 14, 2008 5:40 PM.

Flattening the Path by Chris Leavens was the previous entry in this blog.

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