The Magical Taco Truck by Chris Leavens

By Chris Leavens

Back story: Adriana and I were in Sonoma, CA for part of our honeymoon. A frequent conversational theme of our wedding was taco trucks and the delicious food they spawn, so when we read about a special Jesus taco truck in and around Sonoma, we decided to track it down. I can confirm its existence because I spotted it on the move while I was driving, but sadly, there's no photographic proof. As a sort of consolation prize, however, I'm posting a photo of Jesus truck's market and spiritual rival, the taco truck belonging to the pagan wizard gang known as "Los Magos." Note the artist's depiction of the wizard magically infusing his foodstuffs with indigestion.

Dedicated to the good Dr. Lunch.


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Very cute picture. The Lady looks especially nice in it. The taco has made me think of legendary deeds...


"Yes, Arthur?"

"Mordred's armies will soon bear down upon fair Camelot. My knights are ready, but they are few. What magic can you weave to grant us victory?"

Merlin enters the taco truck, returning moments later with a brown paper bag, and says: "Here, son of Uther Pendragon, deliver these unto thy knights..."

Later, in a camp erected upon the field of battle...


"Yes, my king, what pleases thee?"

"It would please us if thou woulds't divvy these steaming victuals, what Merlin calls 'burritos,' amongst our noble company."

"And, ah, to what end, highness?"

"Aye, exactly that, good Percival -- our ends! The wizard has given me assurance that upon consumption of these wrapped treasures, we shall, with naught but our haunches and our less chivalrous manners, lay a kind of mist upon this field that may well thwart my maladjusted progeny and his pernicious hordes."

"Erm... okay... did the wizard, perchance, lavish any small vessels of the green sauce upon thee..?"

Two grape-jelly tacos, a jalapeno, a beet, and a few green onions would be possibly the unholiest seder ever.

I correct myself. That looks more like a radish.

I didn't know that Future Wizard had a side business.


"Los Magos" (loosely translated with 3-years of public high school Spanish) - to mean "WE WHO ARE THE MAGIC" looks very tasty. However, it is still a far cry from Pasadena's greatest Mexican restaurant (truck).

It seems to still be missing something... perhaps a few surly wedding-goers, an angry (and hopefully AIDS ridden) screaming passerby, and a gas station. But it's a great picture should design some sort of monster truck inspired "battle" T-shirt between these two eateries.

PS - Also missing something was my TypeKey Identity...I am a "good" Dr., this is true...but I'm not just A's a HOT lunch....HOT to imply the basic nature of the disgusting act from which it's name is derived.

" should design some sort of monster truck inspired "battle" T-shirt between these two eateries."

Or even an IAD, or IAW, or even IAM that later becomes a t-shirt, yes, yes.

Now, whenever I see a DHL delivery truck, or even think of the company, I automatically assume that the letters stand for Doctor Hot Lunch.

Those bright yellow vans may well be filled with packages best left undelivered...


Yes, it IS unfortunate that said "Yellow Van Company" has to take some creative liberties and steal/borrow my typekey for their initials...

It's an even bigger shame that they weren't as quick to get to the patent office, since their primary rival has beaten them to "What Can Brown Do For You?"

Alex and DHL: You are officially the authors of two of the most legendary comments (Alex's first, Lunch's most recent) to ever grace these pages. Even though much of the above verbiage is scatological in nature, it is all triumphant. This is the power of Brown.

Ooooooh, NOW I get it! Brown.


(this comment best pronounced with a lisp)


Yeah, every once in awhile, I hit one out of the park...I believe Alex has about 3 hours of it on videotape, but I have yet to sign a release form. Or get my SAG card.

So that should cost you 1 "Nighttime is Righttime" coaster, and 1 "Free Woolcock" T-Shirt.

Or, a photocopy of the Nick Leavens "It's Hell at the Hazleton Campus" Penn State brochure would suffice.

"The Unholiest Seder" sounds like a good title for my next bluegrass album. For my first bluegrass album. For a bluegrass album.

Nick had a brochure? I didn't know there was a brochure. I'm all about brochures.

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This page contains a single entry by Chris Leavens published on November 18, 2007 10:17 PM.

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