Keep on Trucking

By Intelli-head

Dear Intelli-Head,

Many of the people I know, more than a few that I hold most dear in this life, keep saying, "keep on trucking" to me and even to each other. Why do they say this? What does it mean? I've been wondering for years, but have either been too shy or have had too much food in my mouth at the time to ask them. Am I missing out on something? You would think having two Ph.Ds would give me some insight here. I'm no ivory tower shut-in, but I guess there's still much I don't know. Having seen your address and general description on the side of one of those small blimps, I figured I'd give this a try.

Desperate for knowledge and thanking you in advance,

Hamish Nethercutt

Squalid youth hostel room no. 5,

Amsterdam, Netherlands

Dear Hamish,

What you seek is not only advice, but knowledge as well. I am a virtual tower of knowledge. If you were to take a fictional digital hose and hook it to a fictional digital spigot on my very real Intelli-head, mammoth volumes of knowledge would spray forth, extinguishing many fires of ignorance in multiple Bible-belt states. All Intelli-Products are engineered with knowledge gathering in mind. In fact, I along with most of the privately-held Intelli-Fleet, am currently commissioned by Famous and Popular Search Engine Company that Will Not Allow Its Name to Be Published in Association with the Following Project as a Result of Another Abbreviated Item They Refer to as an NDA. My Intelli cannot process the meaning of NDA.

The aforementioned Project aims to scan hundreds of years of literature and make it available to the public via the World Wide Web, the Internet, and the Web 2.0. AOL apparently works on all three of these, so you will be able to use their wonderful service to view the outcome of the Project. I have been employing my spare computing cycles recently to scan the classic Mark Twain novel called The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

Why has my Intelli offered you knowledge of the Project and my specific involvement in the Project? 71.3% of my statement was aimed at enriching your insight with an archaic and helpful definition of the word "truck" as used by Mark Twain. The other 29.7% of the statement was meant to both awe and impress. Once the shock subsides, read on.

"Truck," as written by Mister Markus Twain is junk or "stuff." Your friends, who are more-than-likely better educated and more intelligent than yourself, are using a deprecated slang statement that can mean one of two things, depending on how clever they are. The less clever friends of yours (those only slightly more intelligent and subtle than you) are probably trying to be "bad" (the good kind) by telling you to "keep on trucking," by which they actually mean to say "keep on junking," which in turn can be translated to mean: "keep throwing your educationally-malnourished mind in the trash." It's a wake up call, albeit a sly and quiet one. In other words, these friends aim to increase your Intelli.

On the other hand, the smartest among your "keep on trucking" crew have acquired enough knowledge of you and your incredible taste in advice-giving robots to deduce that you are indeed seeking the knowledge for which your Intelli is hungry. They're saying something more akin to "keep on stuffing your head full of useful and meaningful wisdom, especially that which is born of Intelli-Kind."

Alternately, they may be politely asking you to continue shipment of durable goods to themselves and their loved ones. It's in how they inflect. If this is the case, it most likely has something to do with those "Ph.D" items of yours and their relation to the parcels courier business.

Positively correct,



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Minimally-veiled Pavement lyric duly noted.

That smarty-head thing is still running? D*mn, you must have poured some of the real high-octane juice down its gullet this time.

Please don't put it on that little motor cart again though -- it always comes to my neighbourhood in the dead of night and makes pretty much everyone here soil their britches.

This is a generally pants-heavy area, so that's a lot of crappy culottes to toss in the river.

Thank you, Intelli-Head machine; you have really helped.

Until I read your reply, I had forgotten that I owned a small parcel-delivery company, the profits from which keep many here supplied with foodstuffs and whatnot.

I have been in deep research for so long that it did not occur to me to take my friends literally.

Now it makes sense: they do not want the trucking to stop.


My goodness! Can one even imagine that odd little head on an electric wheeled-platform? That WOULD be a sight indeed!


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This page contains a single entry by Intelli-head published on June 13, 2007 10:12 PM.

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