Henries Proudly Waste a Weekend for Unloosen

By Chris Leavens

Unloosen Awareness Month is about more than just simply making every single living human aware that Unloosen exists; it's also about sharing special knowledge with loved ones and not-so-loved ones. To help celebrate the "What Would Henry Do?" portion of Awareness Month, we've drilled a hole into the deepest core of our fact reserve and mined this nugget of Henry-related wisdom:

Believe it or not, the movie Field of Dreams was originally about a gang of Henries mysteriously appearing in an Iowa cornfield to form the single largest parade of Uncle Sam stilt walkers ever known to man. The production still below, taken before the original script was heaved onto the scrap pile, shows a scene in which one of the stilt-walking Henries is "pantsed" by a pair of mischievous young Henries. Those devilish little scamps! Henry's going to give them what for!


The original script also featured Kevin Costner road-tripping with Darth Vader in a pair of Shriner cars, not a VW van. In the frame of film below, Costner and the recently unmasked Vader are cheered on by adoring Americans as they make their way to the magically surreal Henry gathering in Iowa.


Predictably, the studio figured the concept of a record-breaking parade of human-faced fruit dressed as tall Uncle Sams too "strange," "disturbing," and "non-basebally" to work, so they rewrote the whole thing to be about a sport and the ghost sports guys who liked to play it.


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That photo is the best Costner-related anything done since "The Untouchables", but we all know that Billy Drago as Frank Nitty carried that flick. He was also in Delta Force 2, the main bad guy co-starring with Chuck Norris. Where the hell was Lee Marvin for the sequel? He rocked in "The Dirty Dozen", more so than Jim Brown, but not nearly as hard as Charles Bronson did. He was in a flick called, "Mr. Majestic", involving melons and the men who grow them. He had a pick-up truck and a rifle in that one. Not his best work, but since he did the "Death Wish" films, it was cool now that I look back on it. He destroyed the gang leader in either Part 3 or 4 with a rocket from like 3 feet away which is beyond awesome since he was sitting down and inside an apartment.

Do Henries hibernate?

Driven by the voices in his head, Kevin felt compelled to join the Shriners. Having learned to give into their auditory demands, he no longer questioned why and learned to enjoy the experience. The hat he gave a 6, the car a 7, and the rare vintage Raggedy Ann doll growing from his temple a solid 9. Unfortunately, he really wanted to be at the helm of Cyprus, but James was being a total jerk.

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This page contains a single entry by Chris Leavens published on October 15, 2006 1:32 AM.

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