Sarah and Emily: Team Flying Neon Jesus by David Kendall, Jr.

The following is an edited version of two actual conversations I had with my nieces, Sarah, 3 years old, and Emily, 1 year old. I would leave the conversations unedited but I would have to include things like Sarah randomly screaming “BODYSLAM!” for no reason and a fifteen minute showdown between Sarah and Emily involving who can copy what noise the best. As for the showdown, Emily usually wins as she doesn’t play by the rules. The essence of the conversations are still very present in edited form. In case you are wondering, the car was a Dodge Neon.

Sarah: “Uncle David?”

David: “Yes, sweetie.”

Sarah: “UNCLE DAVID!!!”

David: “I’m standing right next to you. What do you want?”

Sarah: “I saw Jesus.”

David: “You did?”

Sarah: “He was driving a magic car.”

David: “I would think it would be a magic car if Jesus was driving it.”

Sarah: “And it FLIES! WEEEEE!”

David: “That’s pretty cool. So you saw Jesus driving a magic flying car?”

Sarah: “Uh-huh, and it was lellow.”

David: “Lellow?”

Sarah: “LEL-LOW.”

David: “You mean yellow?”

Sarah: “That’s what I said, lellow.”

David: “Well, did you say hello to him?”

Sarah: “NO!”

David: “Why not? If I saw Jesus I’d say ‘what’s up’ to him.”

Sarah: “What’s up, dawg!”

David: “You’d say ‘what’s up, dog’ to Jesus.”

Sarah: “Uh-huh. Hey, stay right there!”

Sarah runs away into another room and returns with her ukulele.

Sarah: “I want to play you a song!” (singing) “Doopie doop! I like to play and sing and S-T-O-M-P! with my feet! Grandma makes the best food EVER! She let’s me jump on the bed but Mommy won’ ME!”

As Sarah sings, Emily teeters into the room like a drunk midget with a stroke.

Sarah (singing): “And SHREK! came DOWN! and HIT! the MONKEY! H-A-R-D! on the bottom! Because Mommy said we can’t say BUTT! or SHUT UP!”

Emily (petting Sarah on the back): “Nice kitty.”

Sarah: “DON’T TOUCH ME EMILY! I’m singing to David!”

David: “Sarah, it’s OK. Emily is being nice.”

Sarah: “I’m not a kitty!”

David: “You’re not?”

Sarah: “NO! I’m Sarah.”

David: “Yes you are. Come here and give me a hug.”

Sarah: “Hold on, I have to hug Emily first.”

David: “That was very nice of you, Sarah.”

Sarah: “Yeah, Emily and I are on the same team.”

David: “You are? What team is that?”

Sarah (shrugging): “Jesus’ team.”

David: “Well, if you have to pick a team, that is definitely not a bad one.”

Sarah nods to agree, turns around, and pushes Emily over. Emily starts crying uncontrollably.


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What is the mascot for "Team Jesus?"

Sarah and Emily rock. They're so luck. I wished I got to see Jesus in a flying car. Someone needs to connect these girls with the underpass people in Indiana. They'd all be willing to join Team Jesus,

Couldn't you have thrown in a "Bodyslam!" or two just for entertainment's sake?

And a Neon's pretty homely, but I always imagined Jesus driving something even plainer, like an '86 Mercury Capri.

One more thing: nice ending. Jesus would be proud.

No, Jesus drives an El Camino. Don't you people read the bible? "...and God spoke unto Raul: 'Hey, esse, take Chewy and go tell Jesus that the El Camino is done at the shop. Those choice rims and hydraulics are done!'"

Cute kids, though. Must be a new adventure everyday.

That is an adorable story. I have always thought that three-year-olds were the best writers of dialogue. One thing though: am I reading this story incorrectly or does your one-year-old niece say, "Nice Kitty?" Are you positive that she is only one? That's genious stuff that is completely off the scale.

Emily is 17 months old. Her total vocabulary at this moment is:
Handy dandy
Nice kitty

Daddy and Poppa are any adult male she likes.
Handy dandy is due to the prevalence of Blue's Clues at their house.
Nice kitty is due to their cat Magic and the reminder that we do not pull the hair off the cat.

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