Torn in Twain: An L.A. Halloween Ballad

By Ed Darrin

(sung to the tune of Born to Run)

In the day we hide from alien viruses and murderous skateboard teens,
At night we run from reptile hookers and vampire Charlie Sheens.

Sprung from fumes on the 405,
Undead Nicky Hilton wants to eat your face alive--Oh,
Maybe this town rips the bones from your back;
It's a death trap,
It's a suicide pact.
Better get out with our brains,
Or kids like us, baby we'll be torn in twain!

Why don't you let me in,
I wanna wear your skin,
I wanna eat your vital organs;
Then I'll throw your body to the mutant rappers
Who'll burn your fat on their torches.

Will you ever learn there's no end to this hell?
You should end it now,
Or your skull will be Leno's inkwell.
Go load your shotgun, run for the beach,
You got nowhere to turn, escape is out of reach...
The blood's cooling in your veins,
It's over now, baby you been torn in twain! (repeat 3x)

(pipe organ solo: 4 bars, then fade out other instruments, then 12 more bars and slow to stop)


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Admittedly, I'm a bit disapointed in you, Ed. You could have easily found a way to work Todd Bridges into your tune, but once again, Willis was forgotten. What gives?

Maybe I can rustle up some folks and record your version at a local karaoke establishment. The private kind, of course, because we'd probably scare the hell out of the public. Come to think of it, maybe that's just what they need.

Yes, I admit the song is scary. Also Willis is scary. Maybe we can do scary Willis version of Brilliant Disguise (Willis Disguise?)

Everybody send get well cards to JoePa.

The hell of it is that Jay will just be so friendly and likable, even as he's using my skull for an inkwell.

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This page contains a single entry by Ed Darrin published on November 4, 2006 6:28 AM.

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