Ha-Ha! Round one goes to Gimble!
Ah yes, dear reader, victory is sweet and victory is Stuart's. What, you ask, have I won? I've driven one of the wretched Pork Pony writers out of the office and out of town. David Kendall has fallen. Who's next?
That's right, I've pushed out the one who slandered me, the one who sullied the name of Stuart Gimble in such a heinous and cowardly fashion. Did you think you would last, Mr. Kendall? Did you think you were any match for my cunning and Stuance?
I know you're curious, reader. I know your anticipation is high in the stratosphere. You're thinking, "What did Stu do to that sap Kendall?" I'll tell you. First, I poured every last ounce of alcohol down the drain. I stacked the empty bottles in front of his office door and attached a sign that said, "Thirsty?" Next, I obtained copies of all his manuscripts and transformed each of his stories with the powers of Stuance. I dare say he cried when he saw the massive improvements. I then posted some of my favorite Stuancical changes on the company bulletin board for all to see. All saw. All stood in awe. All knew the shame I drenched Mr. Kendall with. But the final, deciding blow was yet to come.
It was song that brought my disgrace (albeit temporary) and I decided that I would reciprocate. I wrote and recorded a little number and delivered it to David Kendall Jr.'s office. The next day he was gone.
You want to hear the song, do you? You'll have to wait, for the kind folks who recorded that awful garbage theme song are mixing and mastering my meister werk as you read this.
Mr. Kendall is currently in the midst of a cross-country trek. He's moving from Los Angeles to Pennsylvania, the home state and birth place of a majority of the Pork Pony staff. You'll still hear from the bastard, but not before his words are touched by a little thing called Stuance.
Who wants it next?