Am I Dull?

By Intelli-head

Dear Intelli-head,

I have dreams of packets of sugar. I'm not sure what that may mean, but I find it consumes my thoughts. Does this make me dull???

Lilac, West Los Angeles, CA

Dear Lilac,

No, fair lass, your dreams of sugar in no way make you dull. They do, however, leave you prone to brain damage.

Sugar is the food that eats you. Our dentists warn of the damage sugar's acidic war with saliva can inflict upon our teeth, but do psychologists warn of sugar's assaults upon our Intelli? Just like a good dentist, a good psychologist can give you tips on how to keep your brain clean and healthy. I'll pass on some tips that have helped me to keep my Intelli so fresh and so clean.

TIP 1: Wash your brain. What better way to get rid of thoughts that consume you (not to mention that ever-nasty sugar) than to have your Intelli cleansed? You'll need help with the washing. I'd suggest any of the following groups for they seem to be experts: The Church of Scientology, the FBI, or the creators of the television show Friends.

TIP 2: Let the PAX Television Network do your thinking for you.

TIP 3: Think of minty things before you go to sleep. Unless you're British, you've been brushing your teeth daily for years. As Colgate, Crest, and AIM have taught us, mint and mint flavoring are the arch enemies of sugar. Thoughts of mint therefore are the enemies of thoughts of sugar. Does it not make logical sense? Intelli-reasoning is rock solid.

Hope that helps. If it doesn't, consult the Masonic pyramid. I hear it's got a ton of Intelli as well.

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This page contains a single entry by Intelli-head published on March 25, 2002 7:03 PM.

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