By Intelli-head

Dear Intelli-head,

When I get to the Devlin Castle, I cannot defeat the Prime Orc even though I am a level 27 Paladin armed with Quanto's White Blade and Majaa Armor. I've tried wearing different rings, but it's just not working. Any tips?

Harv Appleton, Norfolk, VA

Dear Harv,

It is obvious to me (due to my Intelli) that time travel has warped that warrior mind of yours. You never got to the Prime Orc because his minions attacked you using a special concoction simply known as Time Juice.

I'm not sure what the exact year you were transported from was, but I can tell you a little about the era you've wound up in. It is the year 2002. Many things have changed. Fire, for instance, has revolutionized human existence. A man named Tony Little has helped other men and women dodge obesity's pudgy hand by giving them an inexpensive yet powerful contraption called the Gazelle. And in a major cultural and technological advance, computers and the Internet were created with the sole purpose of showcasing the very publication your eyes and brain feast upon at this moment: Pork Pony.

With that in mind, here are a few pointers to help you survive the current era:

  • Buy some clothes. 21st century people don't take too well to those cavorting about in chain mail.
  • Get hip to the new slang, man. It's so flash to know the neat-o way the kids talk.
  • Look into obtaining what is called a "video game system". These contraptions can play host to your follies and adventures in endless imaginary worlds. Who knows, maybe someday soon they'll even create a game that reminds you of those Orc hunting days of old.
  • Good luck!

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    This page contains a single entry by Intelli-head published on February 18, 2002 7:40 PM.

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