Mike Wargo: July 2002 Archives

The first 1 1/2 hours rocked! It had great action, an interesting story, and wonderful direction. It was Speilberg at his best. Unfortunately, he cocked it up.

Instead of making a dynamic story from a complex issue, Speilberg "dumbed down" the last 45 minutes to make it accessible to the cinematically challenged. I'm sure that this approach helped him at the box office, but people who love movies will be disappointed.

When you turn subtext into dialogue, you've taken the easy way out. Speilberg knows this, making the film all the more upsetting. When a great story is made into an average film, it's a failure no matter how much money it makes. On a scale of 1 to Club 11, Minority Report gets a 6.

This movie was so uninspiring that I don't even have anything clever to say about it. I loved the first MIB, but the sequel seemed more like a parade of action figures than a coherent story. Will Smith put together a good performance, but he had absolutely no help. The characters were flat, the story was muddled, and film felt like a collection of meaningless scenes.

The trailers made this film look like it would at least be a lot of fun. Unfortunately, it was a tremendous bore. If they continue this saga, I sincerely hope that they focus more on the relationship between "J" & "K" and less on marketing toys with nuts on their chins. On a scale of 1 to Club11, MIB II gets a 4.

If I were still in 8th grade, this would be the greatest movie ever made (other than missing a gratuitous boobie shot). Austin 3 is filled with more disgusting humor than the first two movies combined, and not five minutes go by without a dick or fart joke. Obviously, I liked it a lot. Don't get me wrong, but this film won't win any awards that aren't distributed by MTV. The new villain, Goldmember, sucked and the story wasn't anything special... but damn it if I didn't laugh a lot.

Austin Powers 1 was a great movie. Austin 2 was fun, but it failed at trying to be like the first movie. Austin 3 is just plain retarded. Not bad retarded, good retarded. By not sticking to a coherent story like the first film, the Austin Powers series has reinvented itself. Mike Myers is a genius, and I'll gladly give him my $8 every couple of years to feel like a stupid kid again. On a scale of 1 to Club 11, Austin Powers: Goldmember gets a 7.