Sweat beaded on Phoenix Waterfall's forehead. His hazel eyes darted back and forth. Phoenix tried to keep his heavy breathing inaudible and so it came in short in and out breaths. Phoenix felt the coolness of the thick leather seat through his cut off hemp pants. The air was crisp and cool and blew breezily through Phoenix's tank top. He was glad he put the bright orange hat on. Not only did it keep his head warm in the cool room (in addition to the thick gnarly beard), but it gave him comfort and self-confidence. Confidence enough to do his mission.
They'll never figure it out. I'm expertly trained and highly talented. Relax, Phoenix and just do your job.
Phoenix sat in his chair calmly. The mammoth mahogany desk stretched out in front of him and was surrounded by a baker's dozen of leather chairs exactly like the one he occupied, each filled with a rotund man in a dark suit and a strikingly colored tie. Most were bald or had glasses or were bald and had glasses. All were white.
The man at the head of the table stood up. "Welcome, gentleman. Tonight's meeting will deal with the election of mayor for the city of Raven Run. We all know how important this win is for our party."
Rounds of concurrence went up around the table. Phoenix meekly whimpered, "Here, here!"
Another man stood up, his face maroon, "It's time to take those commie commune brats out of there! For too long has the great city of Raven Run been a den of leftist ideology; what with their community-based ideas, gun control, promiscuity, wanting to clean up the litter along Main St, and marijuana! I will no longer abide them!" The angry man sat down and the entire room jumped up in fervor.
Quickly the room quieted down as the man at the head of the table shushed them. "Before we celebrate, there is a matter we must attend to. The party has gotten rumors of a spy. A spy from the Happy-Go-Lucky Commune has been sent into this very meeting to report on our doings in the upcoming election."
The men looked around at each other. Phoenix was gripped with fear.
The man at the head of the table, "There's one man who is here tonight who we haven't seen before and must be the spy."
All the men in suits stood up and began honing in on Phoenix slowly. They crept up and outstretched their arms as white foam ringed their mouths. Phoenix was ready to leap up when the entire group of men fell upon the man sitting next to Phoenix.
They carried him to the door and shoved him outside. The men all resettled into their leather chairs with grunts.
The man at the head of the table said, "Now, with that commie out of here, we can talk even more freely..."
Phoenix let out a sigh of relief. He knew he was good, but he didn't realize how good of a spy he was until just then. It must be the necklaces. They work every time.
Oh, you're good, Mr. Woodward. This story not only brought a smile to my face, it made me laugh out loud.
Chris, this story made me laugh out loud, too. I like all of your stuff, but this story has a relaxed, off-the-cuff humor to it that works really well. Or maybe it's just the name Phoenix Waterfall? Either way, awesome. If you want those Pork Pony shirts, they're yours. I'll send some to you and Craig as I deem both of you winners of the contest.
The contest, by the way, was judged by a panel of cardboard boxes wearing Groucho Marx costumes (i.e. funny glasses with nose and mustache attached). Each of the boxes was named Hank Azaria for some reason.